It has suddenly occurred to me that I am moving to America
next week. In lieu of this rather alarming development, I have compiled a to-do
list:
1)
Remove all bodily hair. I have seen the OC, and
do not want to alienate myself from the nubile Californian freshmen with my
hairy werewolf face.
2)
Develop an in-built swearword filter. Casual
swearing is big in the UK, not so much in America.
3)
Brutally process the books I want to take with
me. I have not yet defected to the side of the Kindle- check out ‘I’m Not Going to the Moon’ for a blog on this- and need to be savvy about
luggage weight.
4)
Find ridiculous bikini: Done. Toyed with the
idea of an all-sequined union jack affair held together with bits of dental
floss, ‘just for the craic’ as my housemate put it, but settled for a red
polka-dot halterneck.
5)
Accumulate a hoard. Not a supply, not a stash- a
hoard. I need a hoard of Marmite and Cadburys chocolate large enough for me to
perch on top of it and cackle.
6)
Rediscover common sense. I think I hid it in the
same drawer as my passport.
7)
Make a list of packing essentials- am I
realistically able to take my fairy wings with me? What are ‘Daisy Dukes’, and
where am I supposed to find them?
8)
Say goodbye to Norwich. This is proving harder
than I thought, because no matter how hard I try my brain is refusing to
process the simple fact that once I get on the train this weekend I won’t be
back for a while.
9)
Prepare a range of responses about the Olympic
Opening Ceremony, and the Queen’s parachuting ability.
10
No comments:
Post a Comment